Ivory Tower Inc.

Scott Adams' primary source for material...

Friday, July 29, 2005


All that education and ITE's STILL surprise me sometimes. A couple weeks ago the fire alarm went off in the building housing Ivory Tower Inc. I found myself in the heart of ITE-dom and saw the look of surprise flash across the faces of several ITE's. Then, the question that one normally doesn't hear over the deafening tri-tone of a fire alarm:

"What should we do?"

Yes. UH huh. That's what was asked. It took a very had bite to my tongue to keep me from answering:

"You get the *bleep* out of the building if you don't wanna be reduced to charbroiled ITE!"

Thursday, July 28, 2005

How Policy Is Made...

My dad sent me this. Enjoy...

In the beginning there was a Plan.

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form, but a cause of consultants.

And the plan was without substance.

And darkness was on the face of the Workers.

And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit, and it stinks."

And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pile of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none can abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors (A totally useless form of office clutter, paid more than the Manager's) saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went unto President saying unto him, "This new Plan will actively promote growth and Vigor of this company, with powerful effects." (They were all wearing hip high boots)

And the President looked upon the Plan and saw it was good.

And the Plan became Policy.

And this is how shit happens.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

PHB's Strike again

I'll be brief here, but a little explanation is due...
(as I am new here, please edit any of my follies)

PHB decided that it would be a good thing to take one professional from their employment and move him/her to another employer, in hopes of consolidating their AP.

In theory, this isn't a bad idea, but the steps taken to make this happen were as underhanded as Sandi taking documents out of the Clinton library. The professional was told that this was the move that they wanted, but they didn't want the professional to tell his employer what was going on! This also took away the professionals choice of who he cared to work for...if he wanted to stay in the Ivory Tower...which he did. So the professionals client is thus telling him who he will work for.

If this was discussed openly to get the professionals view point, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But telling someone that they are moving you to another employer for their purposes is reprehensible.

I work for my client through my employer. I would flat out say no to my client if this was proposed to me in this same fashion.

The rub! The PHB got his wish, but the professional decided to go elsewhere. Now PHB is in a bad spot! Horray for the professional! Hate to see him leave though.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

The Tower Lives!

Yes, It's true. We haven't all quite en masse...although we've considered it...seriously. No, we have decided there is a light at the end of this dark dark tunnel. Pay no attention to that distracting whistle or the deep rumbling coming from the area of the light...just focus on the light. Care for some Kool-Aid(c)?

Due to serious budget problems it was decided some time ago that Ivory Tower would not be rehiring unfilled positions or creating new positions until the problems cleared themselves up. Sounds great right? I'm beginning to think it was all a lie to keep the non-PHB's in the dark. Why would I believe such a scandalous thing? Well...because it's true! Now, PHB's and ITE's don't care much for the truth. Thankfully, the rest of us do. How about these numbers...since the "No Re/Hire" declaration there has been 4 new positions created and at least 6 positions rehired...some "adjusted" to other areas at Ivory Tower...none of which ended up in the most needed of areas. I'm not surprised...not even alittle.

We'll try to post here alittle more often...there's lots of fun stuff going on at Ivory Tower Inc. Let's see...we have had an open search for an Über-PHB consisting of exactly 1(one) interview of 1(one) candidate. Said interview proved this candidate would fit in nicely with the other PHB's...ahem.

What else...oh yes, we can't forget this little episode can we? Well, the BSP requested something of the FFV's called an "Incident Handling Policy". This is a document that details how computer hacks are dealt with. BSP recieved a two page document that we will attempt to scan and make available here(properly sanitized to protect the stupid). Total rubbish. Tier 1 hosting facility? I think not. More on this alittle later...promise...more posts about this wonderful place.